Senator Roland Burris

Legend has it that conquering Roman generals, in their homecoming parades celebrating their victories, would be accompanied on their chariots by a slave whose only function was to whisper in the general’s ear, “Remember all glory is fleeting.”

This brings us directly to the new junior Senator from Illinois, Roland Burris. Say what else you will, this worthy is clearly a man of foresight, and of no mind to consider the transience of fame. The ethically-challenged Gov. Blagojevich’s appointment to fill Obama’s seat in the U.S. Senate, Mr. Burris has already had completed most of the work on his tombstone which will eternally grace Oak Woods Cemetery on Chicago’s South Side. Save for his entombment, of course, and some final memorializing.

Actually, “tombstone” rather under-describes this bold edifice; “momument” seems more appropriate. And like most monuments, this one comes complete, even at this premature date, with inscriptions, testimony to the greatness of its future inhabitant.

Among whose signal achievements, helpfully listed under the heading “Trail Blazer, First African-American To Become:” are Illinois State Comptroller and Illinois Attorney General. So far, so good. But Roland would also have it known that his accomplishments further include being the first African-American son of the Land of Lincoln to be “S.I.U. Exchange Student to University of Hamburg 1959-60.” One imagines his frustration at having been just barely nosed out by another who scored as first exchange student to the University of Paris.

Not content with this list of “firsts,” Mr. Burris cleverly found space on another panel of this shrine for such “Other Major Accomplishments” as “Board of Directors, Illinois C.P.A. Society (First Non-C.P.A. Member) 2000.” This last is of some curiosity – as would be the American Medical Association being led by someone other than a doctor.

But leave such churlish thoughts aside. What’s more interesting about this monument to ego are the, albeit understandable, omissions. It might have been enlightening to future generations to read, for example, that Mr. Burris’s firsts also include not one or two, but fully three unsuccessful runs for the Governorship of Illinois, including in 2002 against one Rod Blagojevich. Or perhaps that as Attorney General, Mr. Burris ignored a request from his Assistant Attorney General to re-open the case of a convicted murderer, who was subsequently exonerated by Governor Ryan on the basis of exculpatory evidence.

Well, in his defense, it must be said that with the departure from the “world’s most exclusive club” of such exemplars of probity as Ted Stevens and Larry Craig, there is an evident need for replacement members at the shallow end of the Senate’s talent pool. As another Senator once said about a (subsequently rejected) candidate for the U.S. Supreme Court accused of being a mediocre judge: “Even if he were mediocre, there are a lot of mediocre judges and people and lawyers. They are entitled to a little representation, aren’t they?“ Indeed. Welcome, Senator Burris.