No, not because of the possibility that the gezillion polls all showing Obama walking away with the election will all turn out to have been terribly wrong and we’ll wake up November 5th (or January 27th, depending on Florida) to discover that McCain and the Moose Mistress are headed for Washington.
What’s truly worrisome is that Samuel J. Werzelbacher has engaged Pathfinder Management of Nashville to be one of his – are you ready? – three music industry representatives. This despite the cautious observation by the President of Pathfinder that while his new client “can carry a tune, we’re not calling him anything until we get him into a studio.” Now, hands up if you see where this is going. OK, all hands down. The moniker prospectively in question is not, as those less informed might guess, anything cute, topical, or intended to poke a finger in the eye of polite society. We speak rather of the most recent piece of flotsam cast up on the public beach by the churning political oceans, a worthy to be known for the remainder of his over-extended fifteen minutes as Joe the Plumber.
You can’t make this stuff up. Joe (let’s concede this a far better option that using his actual first name) the Plumber has hired not one, but three agents to guide him through the maze of his newfound celebrity status. And if events should conspire to line his pockets with some of the $250,00 he famously told Obama he needed to buy the company employing him, well, is this a great country or what?
Here’s Jim Della Croce, President of Pathfinder, waxing lyric on Joe’s talents: “Joe the Plumber is fast becoming a brand. He is a dynamic speaker and an everyman who has become an overnight celebrity.” And prospects? “It wouldn’t be far afield to have Joe be the spokesperson for Home Depot, representing the shoulder-to-the-wheel working stiff.”
Leave aside the lamentable condescension Jim evidently feels towards his new protégé and let us ruminate for a moment on the glittering options now within Joe’s reach. Spokesperson for Home Depot? Small change. Why not the endorser of his own line of plumbing tools? Or, recognizing his apparent ability to keep the IRS at bay, why not open a network of storefronts pedaling tax advice? Maybe he could even run for Vice President. On the evidence available, his talents and qualifications put him somewhere between the two current contenders.
Thursday, October 30, 2008
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
This Just In
In a stunning development, the French government strongly condemned the U.S. Special Forces attack on a small farm in Rocquefort. U.S officials countered that immediate action had been necessary to prevent the shipment of “moldy” cheese to the U.S., and said the strike was clearly within the limits of the Bush doctrine of pre-emptive retaliation.
Efforts to reach a political settlement in Iraq stalled over the inability of the government there to find a room sufficiently large to accommodate the members from all the parties, sects, regions involved. A proposal to hold the meeting outdoors was quashed when the U.S. said it couldn’t provide assurances of safety and Blackwater refused the assignment unless it was paid in advance.
As Election Day approaches, both parties are recruiting armies of lawyers to monitor polling places for potential fraud, malfeasance, and littering. Turnout is expected to be unusually heavy, with long lines as voters are forced to navigate their way through armies of lawyers.
The U.S. Government is continuing its efforts to find countries willing to accept some of the Guantanamo prisoners. Administration officials expressed regret that to date no country has offered to accept these individuals who, according to the Government, are too dangerous to be released within the United States.
Senator Ted Stevens vowed to continue “serving the voters of Alaska,” expressing confidence that incarceration would in no way hinder his abilities to do so and that in any event, he will have completed his expected sentence prior to his next election bid in 2014.
In several campaign speeches, Senator McCain chided the press for continuing to focus on the now universally discounted links between Obama and William Ayers instead of more serious issues . Asked why he felt compelled to keep bringing the subject up, McCain replied, “If I don’t, who’s going to pay any attention?”
It was disclosed that the highest paid staffer in Governor Palin’s entourage in the first half of October was her makeup consultant. Speaking on condition of anonymity, an aide said the title had originally gone to her foreign affairs advisor, but had been withdrawn when the un-named individual left the campaign to resume third grade.
The global credit crisis has severely impacted housing prices in all countries excepting Uruguay, whose lack of an extradition treaty with the U.S. makes it a popular relocation destination for former banking officials.
In other financial news, officials in Washington scrambled to find a way to provide General Motors with the $5-10 billion it is expected to need to continue operations as it pursues a merger with Tonka Toys.
Good night, and good luck.
Efforts to reach a political settlement in Iraq stalled over the inability of the government there to find a room sufficiently large to accommodate the members from all the parties, sects, regions involved. A proposal to hold the meeting outdoors was quashed when the U.S. said it couldn’t provide assurances of safety and Blackwater refused the assignment unless it was paid in advance.
As Election Day approaches, both parties are recruiting armies of lawyers to monitor polling places for potential fraud, malfeasance, and littering. Turnout is expected to be unusually heavy, with long lines as voters are forced to navigate their way through armies of lawyers.
The U.S. Government is continuing its efforts to find countries willing to accept some of the Guantanamo prisoners. Administration officials expressed regret that to date no country has offered to accept these individuals who, according to the Government, are too dangerous to be released within the United States.
Senator Ted Stevens vowed to continue “serving the voters of Alaska,” expressing confidence that incarceration would in no way hinder his abilities to do so and that in any event, he will have completed his expected sentence prior to his next election bid in 2014.
In several campaign speeches, Senator McCain chided the press for continuing to focus on the now universally discounted links between Obama and William Ayers instead of more serious issues . Asked why he felt compelled to keep bringing the subject up, McCain replied, “If I don’t, who’s going to pay any attention?”
It was disclosed that the highest paid staffer in Governor Palin’s entourage in the first half of October was her makeup consultant. Speaking on condition of anonymity, an aide said the title had originally gone to her foreign affairs advisor, but had been withdrawn when the un-named individual left the campaign to resume third grade.
The global credit crisis has severely impacted housing prices in all countries excepting Uruguay, whose lack of an extradition treaty with the U.S. makes it a popular relocation destination for former banking officials.
In other financial news, officials in Washington scrambled to find a way to provide General Motors with the $5-10 billion it is expected to need to continue operations as it pursues a merger with Tonka Toys.
Good night, and good luck.
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